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Parental Rights through legislation
Many states and their courts continue to skate around parental rights.
Troxel v Granville is the most controversial case ever
heard in the matter of
Grandparents' Visitation Rights
The realities of Grandparent's Visitation Rights
Keep your cool
"Once toxic people become grandparents, they are no longer toxic", said no one ever! Family dynamics are difficult and every situation is unique. With mental health issues on the rise, it's easy be triggered by someone who chooses to disobey boundaries, especially after they've just served you with court papers. Lets face it, with almost every website promoting grandparents' visitation rights, there are only images that present a warm and fuzzy feeling of such loving grandparents. In many cases, it's the grandparent who is unable to accept boundaries because they feel you owe them something. In many visitation cases, the child often becomes a trophy they've won by beating you down through the court system and putting you in your place. There is absolutely no warm and fuzzy feeling when abusive grandparents demean their grandchildren's parents. All too often, they'll do or say things to upset you and then step back and wait for a reaction.
Pause, breath and gather your thoughts. Give yourself plenty of time to calm before you reply to any demands. Always remember, verbal conversations can always be twisted through the art of gas lighting.
Two sides of GPR
Most healthy grandparents don't have to sue in order to see their grandchildren, which weeds out a good portion of the exception. It's unfortunate though, at times, the parents are who's being difficult and the last thing anyone wants to do is battle it out in court. Most healthy parents want their children to know their grandparents. It's also unfortunate that many states leave statutes wide open for interpretation and abusive grandparent to use as a weapon, just to maintain relationships with some healthy grandparents. By doing so, it places the decision in the hands of a judge who could very well side with the grandparents through bias. This is exactly why every state GPR statute must apply the "harm standard" because expecting healthy families to "take one for the team" is just and act of immorality.
The "Harm Standard"
What is the harm standard? The harm standard in grandparent visitation is the requirement that grandparents prove that denying visitation would cause harm to the child. This is a heavy burden that grandparents must meet by a preponderance of the evidence, which is the lowest evidentiary standard. Much research has been done in finding the harm standard to be in the childe's best interests because in many cases, it's more detrimental for a child to be placed in the middle of a battle between adults than it is to sever the a relationship between grandparent and child. Grandparents' Visitation Rights has become a very popular tool for grandparents to act in bad faith and therefore "best interests" must only come after the grandparents prove harm to the child.
Harsh side of reality
All too often, grandparents do end up gaining access to our children and if it happens to you, nothing will sting more than knowing the grandparents will have the ability to continue the abuse after you've spent thousands of dollars trying to end a cycle. You'll know for certain, from the countless hours of research you've spent, that you have fundamental rights as a parent, and they've just been yanked right from under you. You'll have to make plans around a coerced court order for years to come, and figure out how to pay off all of the credit card debts you've accrued to pay as the matter progressed. The most gut wrenching feeling by far, will be sending your child with someone you know is toxic. You'll have no control over what takes place or is said to your child during visits. You're not alone and time will heal. You will get through this and must keep telling yourself this until the very last visit. Your children will need you more than ever in the trying times ahead. Never give up fighting for your rights but don't lose your mind in the process. Seek help for you and your child if necessary and try to avoid depression at any cost.
Emotions effect many things
Many Judges immediately feel sorry for the grandparent during litigation and quite possibly have predetermined their judgement before ever hearing the testimony of the respondent. To be bias, is to be human. Many judges themselves are grandparents and have clearly chosen a career which gives them great power and control. It is control which many grandparents too, are seeking through GPR. Not all judges are the same, however many have proven, over time, corruption flows through the courts. After judgement and visitation is granted, you're expected to just accept what's been handed to you, while they're the ones who have just handed a portion of "your" control over your children, to the grandparent. Some will tell you to encourage the visits after you've spent so much time and money trying to stop an abuse that's taking place outside of the courtroom. biases are often spontaneous. They involve basing decisions on individual feelings and there are plenty of judges who govern their courtrooms through their own personal emotions.
Legislation and amendment
Laws don't just fix themselves. It takes persistence and push back. Become involved in legislation. It's more important than you know.
Bottom line
GPR is becoming more and more popular amongst abusers, and not all judges rule against parents in GPR cases. Some are very logical in their thinking, however, there are many judges who make emotionally driven decisions and expect parents to control their emotions after they've just been ruled against. It's unjust, and to believe that stress and emotional trauma wont radiate negativity within the walls of a home that the children are subject to, is delusional at best. To top it off, the parent will have to work around a forced schedule and face the person(s) that they're now sending their children with. Meanwhile the judge who is unable to set personal emotions aside, collects a pay check while you struggle to figure out how to pay the next bill. The family court system is a billion dollar industry, and you the parents, pay the bill. It's our laws that allow this abuse. Let's not forget, the attorneys walk away with a paycheck as well, regardless if they win or lose. Strive to make a change.